My biggest disappointment.

I am not a perfect person. Nobody is. But I must admit, I’ve been trying to live a perfect life. Though of course, there is no such thing as perfect. And so I end up getting disappointed. I guess that’s what my entire life has been about – avoiding disappointments. I mean, I’ve seen things fail. From a simple plan with friends to my parents’ relationship; from my worked-hard-for grades, and dismayingly, to friendship. That’s why I don’t see anything wrong with being extra cautious towards life. I’m not scared of taking chances. I just don’t want to get hurt.

You know, if I get to choose the biggest disappointment in my life right now, it would be none other than my 6-year friendship with my ex-best friend.. Or maybe I spoke too soon. We’re not exes yet. It just feels like it for quite some time now. Anyway. We used to do stuff and try different things out together as much as we can. We we’re loud and all that mattered was having fun. And the best part, we always found time to bond.

At least until our college freshmen year. Although things were starting to change back then, I never thought it could get worse. What I meant was, I adapted to everything she’s becoming even though the behavior was drastically changing and a lot people were starting to enter our lives. I tried to be very patient and understanding, and I learned to accept. Change, indeed, is the only thing that is constant. God knows, I did my best to be the best friend I could be.

See, the thing is, friendship is a two-way relationship. Every relationship is give-and-take. It can never be unconditional. It’s just that, as a realist, this is just another proof that nothing is forever. As much as I’d like to believe otherwise, these kinds of events restrain me. How can I possibly believe something when I’m experiencing the total opposite? I’m not being a pessimist or whatever. We’re talking about reality here.

So, bottom line: I’m not angry. Maybe I just got tired of reaching out and being the last option, if I was even an option. I’d like to believe that there’s something better out there where my existence will be, let’s say, a bit more appreciated. I guess there’s nothing wrong to desire for something I think I deserve.

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