I cross my dirty fingers and leave it all behind

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” ~ Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

I’m tired and I’m going to bitch about it just this once.

I’ve been trying SO HARD to avoid disappointments for as long as I remember because it’s simply the worst feeling in the world. Worse than failure or heartbreak or anything that can be healed by time. But disappointments? They stay there, slowly emptying your heart’s desire to fight for whatever (or whoever) that has disappointed you. But what more if it’s caused by people who you thought you could actually count on? What more if it’s repeated twice, thrice, and countless times?

It sucks when people say they will always be there for you and they make it sound believable only to find out that you’ve just fallen for another trap. It’s like inviting ten “precious so-called friends” to your birthday party and only a couple of them shows up; or planning a month ahead for some get-together where everybody agrees only to be left alone because they all bailed on you on the last minute. Of course you feel like a fool for believing such crap but how can you not?

It’s just sometimes I feel like I’m giving too much care and attention to those people who can’t even reciprocate nor appreciate it and it makes me wonder, maybe I’ve been giving it to the wrong ones?

But yeah, as if it matters anyway. Nobody notices, right? Sometimes it’s better not to trust anyone  than to be fooled over and over.

***

Ending this post with my song for the week written and performed by Matt Webb of Marianas Trench. It made me cry the first time I heard it, and it still does! (Check out the lyrics!!!) It’s inspired me so much and how I wish my future self wrote it. *creys* Here’s to my music dreams. x

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