Lately I’ve been finding myself more dazed and spaced out than usual, caught up in regular day-to-day moments. Most of the time ending up wistfully staring up at the sky gazing on those huge flying machineries they call airplanes with sad eyes. “Take me away, take me with you,” my heart says, loudly at first, though I seem to be the only who can hear it, and then it’s gone.
I want to fly. I want to leave so I can truly live. I want to escape. I want to try.
Please know that I don’t aspire to get away to be in or to be cool or to be one of the hipster youngsters fortunate enough to spend time (and massive amounts of dough) just to “see the world”. I need to fly so I can live and change and get out of my comfort zone and try to be the person I’ve always aspired to be because I’ve lived long enough to realize this isn’t the place for all of that; for all of me. And I owe at least that to my soul, to try.
If you don’t feel it, flee from it. Go where you are celebrated, not merely tolerated. – Paul F. Davis
The sense of belonging somewhere, to someone or to something, isn’t that what we all long for? And it’s just exhausting to keep on fighting for your place on some people’s lives who obviously don’t care as much as you do. It’s hard to keep fooling yourself and keep waiting for change to happen. I mean, this can’t be all there is, right? I need more.
So I’m pausing life as I know it for now.
This will always be home. Here lives all the people I’ve loved and lost and care/d for and they will always have a spot in my heart no matter how much everything’s been forgotten. I just need to do this for myself, on my own, at this point in my life, so I can allow myself to fall freely; so things could fall on their rightful places where they should’ve been all along.
I don’t know what’s in store for me or what’s gonna happen after but isn’t that the fun part? I’m probably gonna be broke, that as much I know, but boy, will I get a million times richer in life. 💪
So here’s to making brave life-changing decisions; to the people who refuse to depend and rely on others for change; to everyone who boldly dismisses conforming to the norm and accepting things without questioning it. Let’s see how far a single dream of a girl in this society can go. Besides, at the end of the day it’s still the guts of having to try that’s going to count anyway. ;)