#24

stay

Is it really so hard to express to some people how much they matter to you because they already know you are not the expressive / showy type of person, or is it just me? Has anyone out here ever felt like that? Like, they don’t expect anything from you anymore, but then you’ve changed over time and you kinda want to express it now.

Idk, am I making any sense?

I mean, all I want is for them to know that I care (there, I said it) and I’m afraid that all this time they don’t think so. I just feel like time is on fast forward and everything can be lost in a blink of an eye.

Okay, to be clear, I still don’t care about 88% of the stuff around me. But there’s just these very few people in my life whom I deemed deserving to be cared for. And I want to be able to put it out there for a change. I need to change. Getting another year older had me thinking, I don’t want to keep so much of it inside anymore.

*cheesy squeals*

Faith & free will

Funny story: Earlier in the car on our drive home I was debating with my father how believing (or not believing) in God does not really affect a person’s life. My argument? Because I know people who are incredibly happy and successful but do not pray or go to church. As if they don’t need religion to live fully – at least that’s how I see it.

Me: Maybe having faith isn’t important.

Dad: Is that how limited your perception of life is? That it is only of this world, of this life?

DAMN. He got me thinking.

Me: Well… I believe we gotta concentrate on the here and now. Who REALLY knows if there’s an afterlife, right? This life, though, is what we’re sure of.

Dad: That’s why we have our free will.

Me: I mean, as long as you work hard you’ll be able to achieve your dreams. What’s the point of believing?

Dad: That’s why you are allowed to believe what you want. Free will.

I probably am going straight to hell for this.

I’m still figuring it out and I’m horribly stuck in the in-between. Life goes on, though.

PS. The line of thought of this article is so messed up, just like my life. LOL but thanks for reading :D

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